Pre-tournament confession

Friends, this weekend, a very exciting thing will happen:  I will participate in my first Tae Kwon-Do tournament.  I am nervous and thrilled in a ratio of about 3:5.  Mostly I am really, really excited to get in the ring with some people outside of my own club.  I am competing in both point sparring and forms.  Forms, I don't really care about, but I'm doing it to be a good sport and to try to challenge myself to improve my pattern (a beginner's pattern called Dan Gun for those who care) but sparring...ah, sparring is my true love.  We'll see if I can still claim that after Saturday. 

I want to say that this is my first tournament and as such, I will be satisfied if I do my best and get oh, a couple of points on each opponent I spar, and all I'm really doing is competing against myself and trying to show good sportswomanship and blah blah blah blah blah, and all of this is true, BUT I'm doing the Artist's Way and Julia would say that you should SAY WHAT YOU REALLY WANT and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN DESIRES.  So, I admit it:  I want a fucking gold medal!  Sorry, but I do.  I just do.  If I don't get it, I will not cry, but I want it.  Yup.